Michelle’s Story

Growing up, I remember the violence in our house. I couldn’t put the pieces together of what was going on. My family would just push everything under the rug. Not because they wanted to, but because they really didn’t know how to deal with things. One night I ran all the way to the church down the road to escape the violence. Even with the abuses, I’d always run to the church. It’s like I found a safe place there. 

I was always ashamed of my mental illness, which I’ve been dealing with since a young age. I was first diagnosed at 14 with a suicide attempt. It was shameful. I didn’t want anybody to think I was crazy.

Putting on a mask

My mental illness became serious later on. I would find myself in fight or flight mode. Traumas kept taking over. I was sexually assaulted at the age of 40 and my life hasn’t been the same since. 

I began to put on this mask. I hid my struggles well, but it was painful. When I had my kids, I would put them down at night and cry until my pillow was wet with tears. It was years and years of that, trying to have a normal life. It seemed like I always tried to do the right thing, but somehow it felt like it turned out wrong. 

I had to leave my four kids with my mom. I didn’t know about my mental illness enough to counter it, to overcome it, and I didn’t have the support enough to get help. My last stable place was in 2016. I tried to get an apartment but could never get qualified because I didn’t have income.  

Eventually, I was in and out of shelters. But meeting people there with different stories that also struggled with mental illness helped me realize that I wasn’t alone.  

A place to come and rest

I remember the day I came to Restoration House. The night before I had slept in the airport. I was really tired. I was so exhausted with life. But that same day I met an Atlanta Mission volunteer who invited me here. When I walked through the doors of Restoration House, it was like God had His hands out saying, “Come and rest. Come.”  

From the classes to the stories the volunteers shared, it was like everything I needed was in place. One morning in the devotion room, it was like God said, “Open your mouth. I need you to just open your mouth.” And that morning, I opened up about my PTSD, anxiety, and depression. And from that day, it’s like the shame started coming down. He began to work on the inside.  

When I first walked up to Restoration House, I was mesmerized and thought that this is the best shelter I’ve ever been in.

“But Atlanta Mission is not even a shelter to me. It’s more of a restoration, a reinvention.”

I used to think that in shelters, we come in dragging our bags, we get to our room, and then we take our stuff out of the bags. But God showed me it wasn’t that type of unloading baggage that I needed. It was a whole lot of stuff I was carrying inside. 

Learning to trust

Mental illness cripples you; it stagnates you. But I’m learning how to heal and manage my triggers. I’ve learned my boundaries. I’ve learned it’s okay to be different. I’m learning healthy relationships. I know what unhealthy is, but I want to rebuild on some healthy things. Here they give you a chance to talk. And that was freedom for me. 

The biggest thing keeping me homeless was that I didn’t know who to talk to. I didn’t have anyone I could trust. Releasing that when I came here is helping me to regain and rebuild trust. I had the best Advocate and even the ones who weren’t my Advocate poured into me. 

I get up in the morning and when I look in the mirror I say, “Okay, there’s something out there for you. I don’t know what it is today, but there’s something out there. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going.” Sometimes when I’m in my bed, I close my eyes and put my earphones on to try to get through the next hour, and it’s like God is right there with me. 

Hope for a new life

I told my Advocate, “I don’t want just an apartment. No, I want the tools necessary to maintain my mental health, to know what to do. And not only a job, but something that’s fulfilling. It may not be a whole lot of money, but something that I love to do and that I need for housing.” I was on my knees this morning and I said, “Lord, whatever You see fit, it’s okay with me.” I honestly believe I’m in the right place, at the right time, with the right people, and that that’s going to happen. I just believe it. 

What I’ve gained here is going to give me stability. A year from now, I see myself purchasing some property because I want my family back together. I want us to enjoy the holidays. And to invite over new circle of friends. I could say, “Hey, what are you doing? Let’s barbecue.” It’s simple but fulfilling. That’s where I see myself.